In the Narrative Passage “Come in CQ: The Body on the Wire,” Ellen Ullman describes the relationship she has built with a colleague named Karl over e-mail exchanges.
Like Ullman, I have had an experience, in which I felt more comfortable communicating with someone online than talking with the person face-to-face. Via e-mails, Ullman and Karl have conversations comfortably and even engage in discussions about certain topics. Eventually they come to feel affections toward each other. However, when they personally meet to have dinner, they seem far from feeling comfortable chatting with each other. Their conversation is rather awkward; “one talks, stops; then the other replies, stops. An hour later, we are still in this rhythm.” To an extent, I sympathize with this uncomfortable feeling of Ullman when I face someone that I actually talk to comfortably online. Most of the time, when communicating online, we do not have to face the other person. We can also reply whenever we want, and whatever we want. This sometimes allows me to be braver online and feel more at ease. However, I have had a harder time trying to smoothly carry on a real conversation when I unexpectedly ran into someone, with whom I am not very close with.
However, even though I keep casual relationships with many people online, I cannot imagine falling in love with someone by e-mail. In the narrative, Ullman becomes deeply engaged with exchanging e-mails with Karl. She acknowledges that the love was “as intense as any other falling in love.” Later on, Ullman and Karl send and receive e-mails hourly and when Ullman do get a reply from Karl, she cannot resist replying back. Like Ullman, e-mail is indeed a part of my life; I check e-mails constantly throughout my days and exchange important information with many people. However, even though I have been able to get closer with many of my friends through the internet, I have never made such commitment to someone online. I believe that to develop a deep and long-lasting relationship, whether a friendship or a romantic love relationship, we need to be able to not only communicate face-to-face but also feel comfortable when doing so.
Good post! I agree with what you said about feeling braver online. The fact that it's impersonal and not face to face allows to me to talk to people like I wouldn't do in person. Not like I'm mean! Just it alleviates any awkwardness that you might encounter in real life. You can respond when you want and it gives you time to think through everything you're going to say. In a way, it's very nice. I too can not see myself falling in love online. It's just too impersonal. Like you said, you need to feel comfortable online and offline, and only being online won't do that.
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